[Anh-Hoa]

3/8/06
From now on, I am trying to write down my silly thoughts here every day. Perhaps they are insignificant to share, but I have to do so to keep myself in touch with you. What we have shared and been through is priceless. To me, there are only two things in this world that we can never take back: time and words. I am here thinking and dreaming about our time in college and at the same time knowing that it would never come back...

Son got me a book named "How to change the world - social entrepreneurs and the power of new ideas" by David Bornstein after we left the conference at Harvard School of Business. I am always amazed by people at the conference. I was deeply touched by stories from the CEO of Clinton organization, and totally fascinated when Dr. Earnest said "It is my job to help the poor." Somehow, I never thought of it that way before; perhaps, I was too selfish to see it that way. There are so many people dying, being sick and/or hungry all over the world. Looking at their face and listening to their stories, I feel ashamed of any complaint or sadness which I have been wasting my time and energy on.

Well, I gotta run. Time really flies. Oh, there is a very good movie called "Dead Poets Society" played by Robin Williams. Highly recommended!

As ever,

Anh-Hoa

[thanhlong]

Hoa, those are not silly at all. This has suprised me of what you can do in such a state. I would like to give mine to you all with the hope of heeling the incoming creeks

oh yeah. There are times I think of what I have done. This feeling is like jumping out of an airplane. Under my feet is the dead space that I can't help getting out of this. And the airplane has gone. The enter button can't be undone with ease

However, why should we think of taking back the time and words other than going ahead? Why don't we think of how to help Giap recover his inborn enthusiasm and join the world without any prejudice. Giáp, what is your man manner? Stand up ad show yours!

These sayings don't mean that sorry is a so hard word for me to say. I never kneeing in front of the confession screen to moan to the priest about the sin. I think what I should do is to heal it, to fix it, as long as I can do. I will do my way and what are yours, other folks?

I lile a saying of someone: don't be sorry to what you've done, but to what you have not done yet?

What I have not done, I will do. And how about you all?

[Anh-Hoa]

03/06/06
I messed up with time again. Today is Monday, March 6, 2006.

I had a meeting with Kathy in the morning. She is absolutely incredible. I wish I will be able to work with her more in the future. I got back to the office and talked with Channing Lab people until 2 pm. I then ran around for tons of paperwork. Had lunch at 4:30 pm. Such a bad habit. There are so much to work on, but I need to controll myself so that I won't be exhausted by the end of the day.

Peaceful night at home. Some cooking and cleaning was done. Some more work to do... It would be nice to read a good book at this time...

think of you all,

Anh-Hoa

P.S: Wonderful post, Long! Giap will get over it himself. I'll try to talk with him as well. In the end, we are friends. Saying that things will never come back is just another way of telling you to appreciate them and don't waste them. I truly appreciate what you have shared, Long. Take good care!

[thanhlong]

Today is already 8 March in Vietnam. Wish you all ladies the luckiest and merriest day

I've just been back from Mekong delta. Last night I stayed at a local house. I slept in a cottage among a garden, and among the sound of the crickets, frogs, geckoes. What a lovely night!

This morning as I had waken up, one of my tourists combed my instant noodle hair to help me to have a better looking. I show my disappointment of my hair. and I immediately received the comment of the lady who aged 61. She reminded me my talking to them all ( I am guiding 6 old ladies and we have been 14 days together so far). Oh, what I talked to them are the just phylosophies. I did tell them theory of the Bhoudism, the phylosophy of the unhappiness root that if someone has no desire, he will not have unhappiness ( cause he has no diappointment!). I did also tell them the happy choice of our life that one person should have his own choice for only himself, not any others'. And that he 's happy in this life or not is the choice of himself. Noone can help him to be happy then himself. I did also show them the color of the Bhoudism monk clothes: grey. One hundred year is just a momentas compared to the eternity of the Big Flow. And if you are keen on the problems, will you have time for happiness. The answer is NOT. So, live, think and talk possively, NOT negatively

And so are many other phylosophies I taught them

I know those very well. But I can't always practice those. Yeah, the gap between theory and the practice is not small

However I think I am a happy man 'cause of many other reasons. I can wake up after a nightly like-a-log sleep. I feel delicious for any food I eat. I never feel tired at my working. I can talk any thing I like without thinking of what others can think of me after that ( this may be a disadvantage, but I don't feel any). And the most important. I have the target to go ahead, and I know I can come there, sooner or later

Do you have time to moan, or you are too busy at going ahead that you have not even a moment to think of your unhappiness?

[Anh-Hoa]

3/8/06
Last night, I had dinner with a few friends, who travelled to so many places that now I can't stop thinking about places. Son and I have planed to visit places in Europe, but always ended up going home in California. How much time have we spent with our families? A few days a year. "The youthful fire in me wants to travel and explore the world, yet part of me just wants to take advantage of every minute spent with family... lest it's too late one day", Son said and I just have to keep that in mind.

Gotta get back to work. Will write more later.

Anh-Hoa

[kinhk19c]

all is well - A-H?

K

[Anh-Hoa]

11/04/06

What a shame that I haven't written at all for a very long time! Not even my own diary. Recently I have told Son that I felt as if I kept on running and didn't clearly see or think much about what I had been doing. He reminded me to slow down and find time to reflect myself. I did it the other day when I got stuck in traffice on the way home. It was always crazy at the intersection of Com Ave and BU bridge. It was dark and wet outside. Winter is coming, yah. I suddenly found it all empty around me. No car. No traffic light. No noise. Just darkness all around. And it was the first time for months that I asked myself what exactly I had been doing and why. Things have been packed up on me. Work, thesis, wedding preparation. I didn't even work on VietHope stuff or join the conference calls. At this very moment when I feel so guilty about these, I also feel that I can't make any changes at least for the next 6 months...Sad! I've worked full-time at this consulting company in Brookline where I've been very lucky to meet wonderful people and learned so much. I also work on my thesis in early morning or late at night (which is so hard after a long day at work) or weekend. Not to mention meetings, progress checks from my department and presentations. But the worst will be a bunch of deadlines from work. Just finished one last night. At the same time, I 've been calling/researching/interviewing people in California to arrange for the wedding (i am flying back there for 2.5 days next week). One week goes by just like a glance. Okie, I think I am getting moody and confused now. Better stop here. It's now almost 9 in the morning. I have my yoga class at 10, but I now need to get some sleep.

A bit overwhelmed!

[Anh-Hoa]

11/14/06

Just got back from California. With a cold. Couldn't get up in the morning these days. But I'll go back and edit my previous post later. I need to organize my schedule better. I skipped my painting class tonight and couldn't get the results out for the meeting tomorrow. I need some good hours of sleep before the committee meeting. Well, just taking a break to check out the website. Hope all is going well at home.

Later,

anh-hoa

[Anh-Hoa]

It's Thanksgiving. I suddenly feel as if it was Tet at home. The streets are all empty. Everybody has gone home for the holiday. I was the last one who left the office last night. Turned off the light, set the alarm on, I headed out into the darkness of the night. It started to be very cold now. But no snow yet. We decided to stop by chi T's after picking up some chinese chicken and roasted pork. T and Son got to watch 24 -- quite a good show. We got home around 2 am in the morning.

It's now raining outside...

[Anh-Hoa]

Just finished presenting a part of my thesis yesterday. It went well. Not that I've done any great work, it just seems that there are many professors interested in the topic. Very good comments and discussions. Exhausted but happie now!

The funny thing about this is that I've been staying up late, and now I can't seem to fall asleep...But since I don't have much work to do now, i am wasting my time checking out as many websites as I can. Need to get back to my normal being

[thanhlong]

Hanoi those days is so cold, as the ever winter of this well-know city for its romance. Tree leaves turn red and yellow, the air turns chilli and the sky turns grey, a perfert atmosphere for a Hanoi winter, a contrast to Saigon hot and hot.

I will finish a tour in 2 hours. A long tour of 17 days along Vietnam thru the trails in the Highland and the North. The views are so beautiful, everywhere. I will end my days with 6 nice tourists. But I will end it without much emotion. I v'e done this thousands of times, and will do it other thousands of other times. I wish to tear at the goodbye party as I did long time ago, but I know I will not able to do it. Does my sentiment fade away?

I don't know the answer. I just know that I had better go ahead. Be happy and try to recognise the every beautiful moments around that is hard to see

That's it

[Anh-Hoa]

That's very nice, Long! Same question that Son and I have talked about when he saw his very sick patients in hospitals. He was afraid that one day he wouldn't be able to feel their pain anymore... It seems that we all lose our emotion along the way for the fact that we have done or seen it often. (This is why I love children's reaction. To them, everything is fresh). But would that be the same with love?

Okie, gotta run. Will write more later.

[Anh-Hoa]

I lost track with the previous post. But I always feel that the longer Son and I are together, the deeper our conection becomes. I can see myself growing old with him, sharing all the beauty and urgliness of this world together... It's kindda funny writing down these lines -- but this is what I truly feel from the bottom of my heart. I believe nothing can change my love for my family, friends and Vietnam. There are special things that even when you've seen or felt or done so much, they can never be different...

Well, we went skiing at Sunapee today -- first day of the season. We got our season pass. This will be our last year with the pass. It was really amazing when I ran down from the top of the mountain. Totally free. The wind, the snow, the sound of our ski cutting through the snow...Sometimes I let myself falling down without any resistence. It could run so fast -- i guess the gravity does do the work:)-- that I felt like flying down the mountain. It was scary, too.

Just met a very good friend online. Chatted with him when I am writing this post. Feel very lucky to have a friend like him. We have 11 years of friendship, and I know that nothing can change how I've thought of him...:-)

Life is indeed beautiful.

[Anh-Hoa]

12/21/06

Couldn't get up this morning. Just let people at work know that I will be working from home today. I've been sick for almost a week. Yesterday I had to leave work around noon, went home and fell asleep on the couch until 4 pm. It's not fun being sick during the holidays. I wish I could spend some time with my nephews. But now I need to stay away from them for a while.

It's really weird that I've always wished to get up one morning without thinking about any thing. And now that I have it (not completely), I feel so empty. What would my life be if I didn't have to work? Perhaps I would go crazy. I always said that I would stay home when Son became an attendent. But I guess I can't then. Work can drive me insane, but it also makes me much happier. Sounds weird, hum. Maybe I can't think clearly at this moment.

Oh, I've been checking out photos from Truong Son & Viet Ha's wedding many times. Seeing friends' faces makes me homesick badly. I wish I could go home now. Maybe we should start planning a trip home. Son and I promised each other that our next trip back to Vietnam would be just for fun, no work at all. The thing about going home is that I always feel sad and guilty seeing the kids on street when they are supposed to be in school. Just can't enjoy a good meal when their face is right in front of me. But I need to be home...

Feeling restless.

[thanhlong]

Hoa, you did have a thought as we did 7 years ago. In 1999, in a visit to Dieu Huyen's flat, she asked me what would I do if I had USA 50 billion. What a hard question! Then I answered that I might commit suiside. When you had such amount of money, you might have everything material. When you had everything with no purposes ahead, what should you live for?

She told me that 'cause she's so tired of job.

Now, I and I think she is too, think dìfferently. Even we have such amount of money, we still work with some another purpose. And working is just a journey to ẹnoy our life, not a torture we should endure to get some reward. That 's why we should love our job, and that's why we should choose the career we love

Dalat those days is so cold, 10 decree Calcius. Tourists are heaps here. The scenary is incredibly beautiful. Sunray is as sweet as honey and yellow as a marigold flower. Pine trees are green and the granate chairs along the lake bank are big temptations. But I can't stay there. I should be melted if I am there. I am alone in this honeymoon city

[Anh-Hoa]

Thanks for the message, Long! I hope Dalat wasn't too cold that Long had already melted down somewhere along the lake

I totally agree that we need to love what we are doing. Life is too short to suffer with your job every single day until you reach 60. My problem is that I don't have enough time to do all the work that I love. I've struggled to give up any of them. Perhaps I need to set my priority straight...

Well, I need to write this down before it's gone. I've been reading Son's essay for his residency programs for about ten times. I couldn't stop crying every single time I was reading it. I am so lucky to meet, know and be with someone like him -- just purely an amazing human being. I know he never gets to read this post, and will never hear me saying anything about this. But I hope this post will remind me to live better and work harder to deserve what I have had.

I am getting starved. It's almost 9 pm here. I need to order some food for dinner. Haven't cooked for a few months now. Wish I could have some home cooked meals.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season with your loved ones!!!

Cheers,

Anh-Hoa

[Tuan]

How i start.Yes,i'm starved now.I dont know when i have bad habits.Someday i really dont eat anything.The feeling of hungry come timely in a day.it is not my shortage of money,not my hard working ...From the time my mother live in Texas i seem not to feed for myself.It is rarely i wash my clothes,cooking...yeah im still a child.the time for me not useful i have many free time,i become hate my work :marketing job must go around Hochiminh city to find and have relation to customer.My Boss work in Hanoi so i'm lazy to go.Maybe i will change job.Nearly 4 years for marketing job make me lazy to go,obiviously i dont sell product at this time.Every month i got 150USD my salary-it is stupid for me doing nothing but get money.And i expense all for cafe,though my family so poor,i can not help them.

[Anh-Hoa]

12/24/06

Couldn't sleep tonight. It's now almost 6 am here, and it's cold outside. But I let the window opened as I need some fresh air. Still dark out there. So many things in my mind that I couldn't get to sleep, or maybe I am just getting old It's funny that I have often found solutions for work or thesis during my half sleep - half awake, like this. I know what I need to get done today. Hope I won't forget the Xmas dinner with family tonight. Need to set up the alarm now. I've been forgetting so many things lately. Early AD, I guess.

Got a call from Son earlier this afternoon. He is thousands of miles away from Boston, having lunch with his nieces on top of one of the mountains in Cali. Hope they had fun and enjoyed the snow.

It's almost the end of the year. I am still caught by surprise every time I've looked at the calender and realized that it's end of the year. I hope I won't be acting like this when I am 60. Ooh, my laptop is running out of battery.

More later,

Anh-Hoa

P.S: Tuan, good luck with whatever you decide to do! And eat more and dress well for the holidays.

[Tuan]

Sunday-24/12/2006.Im so hungry cause 1 day not eating.I start a something of women-that my mother used to do.Shopping.I bought a new shoes that people show in road(go to shop is so êxpensive) 60.000 vnd/ones.i bagage 50.000 it is ok,by that time lottery man drive bycicle pass,in the afferternoon i bought 1 ticket (now 5000vnd/ticket) and i check.Wow 99-Kien Giang,i bought 2 new tickets and pay for shoes-lucky for me 10.000vnd for shoes.I smile myself.I buy one new trousers and white shirt.And then go to supermarket and choose :prawn jar,Chinsu,beef,fork,noodles,green been,Hue Ruoc,chilli...340.000vnd.And back home,my younger brother and his future wife cook Raumuong xao toi,3 of us have dinner.This is first time i do like this.Today,im looking so handsome dress well and i visit Exihibition of clothes,manything i like to buy but shortage of money so just go around and browse.Hope that having more change to shopping-i 've got the feeling of women enjoying shopping.

[Tuan]

TTO - Tình bạn là món quà vô giá - không thể để bán mua. Giá trị của tình bạn còn tuyệt v�i hơn cả một núi vàng rất nhi�u.

Bởi vì vàng là vật vô tri, không thể nhìn cũng như không biết lắng nghe. Và trong lúc chúng ta gặp rắc rối, vàng... không thể nói l�i động viên, cổ vũ! Vàng cũng không có đôi tai để lắng nghe, không có trái tim để thấu hiểu!

Vàng không thể đem đến cho bạn sự bình yên hoặc là sự chở che khi bạn cần.

Hãy cảm ơn cuộc đ�i đã dâng tặng bạn món quà vô giá - không phải kim cương, châu báu - mà đó là tình cảm chân thành của một tình bạn thực sự...